• You correct others about their history
• You correct your professors about their history
• Your professors admit that you were right when correcting their history
• The people who inspire you have been dead for thousands of years
• You have a “favorite” ancient civilization
• You secretly fantasize about Helen of Troy
• You point out historical inaccuracies in Hollywood movies
• You like to imagine what it would be like to live during a certain historical period
• You know that “historical films” are rarely historically accurate
• You know that Alexander the Great had male lovers
• You watch historical documentaries outside of class
• Friends and family members use you as a historical reference
• Classmates use you as a historical reference, and cite you as a source in their paper
• You’ve pondered the impact of historical events on modern times
• You’ve pondered how different modern times might be if not for certain historical events
• You’ve pondered which modern events might become historical events
• You would kill for fifteen minutes in the Library of Alexandria
• You start laughing when someone says “Get back in the car, John.”
• Your dog’s name is Napoleon or Lafayette
• You’ve found historical inaccuracies in your high school textbooks
• You’ve found historical inaccuracies in your college textbooks
• You’ve found historical inaccuracies on the History channel
• You know the “seven wonders of the ancient world” by heart
• You get annoyed when people incorrectly list said wonders
• You can’t wait for the Colossus of Rhodes to be rebuilt
• You look for tie-ins between history and your friends’ majors
• If tie-ins are not readily apparent, you continue to spend countless hours looking for them anyway
• You frequently say “I read it in a book once…”
• You would kill for ascots, breeches, and buckles on shoes to come back into style
• You actually have conversations with the dead people you idolize, and sometimes they respond to you
• You never have money because you spend it all on books
• Your friends don’t have to go to the library because they can borrow books from you
• You really, really want a white powdered wig
• You celebrate key historical events (at least you think they were key) as if they were canonical celebrations
• Your vocabulary includes words that have not been commonplace for hundreds of years
• You use sayings like “storming the trenches”
• You refer to your method of study as a “Blitzkreig”
• You know that typing “French military victories” into Google and clicking “I’m feeling lucky”, yields “did you mean French military defeats?“
• You know why Benjamin Franklin recommends older women
• When you fail a class, you tell the professor that you have “not yet begun to fight”
• You’ve always wanted to go back in time and conquer the world with modern weaponry
• You wonder how the internet will affect historical record-keeping
• You’re good friends with an archaeology or anthropology major
• You’ve dated an archaeology or anthropology major
• You love movies like “Indiana Jones,” even though they are chock-full of historical inaccuracies
• You’ve actually read something that was written on parchment or papyrus
• You can understand cuneiform script
• You wish you could write all your essays with a quill instead of a keyboard
• You own 5 or more books that are out of print
• You own 10 or more books published before the year 1900
• Most of the above books are original editions
• You’ve gotten lost in a museum
• You’ve considered becoming a museum curator
• “Preservation” of anything is important to you
• You try to convince all your science-major friends to “invent a time machine, already”
• If you do something embarrassing or unpopular, you know it’s OK because “history will judge you”
• You’ve been in several debates about the historical origins of the term “OK”
• One of your life goals is to do something epic enough to appear in a history book
• Your other life goal is to be first author on a history book
• You’ve felt for most of your life that you’re living in the wrong time
• You refer to significant objects as “pieces of history”
• You know that graffiti was found in Pompeii, and you know what it said
• You often write papers, but you never seem to go to any “labs”
• When you visit any location, you constantly stop to read plaques with historical information
• You yank your friends’ arms so they stop to read plaques with historical information
• It annoys you when people approximate dates by rounding to the “nearest hundred years”
• Your professors smell like old book paper
• You smell like old book paper
• You’ve spent an entire day or more in a library archive
• You’ve spent a week or more in a historical location
• Your dream vacation spot is Colonial Williamsburg
• You know how to pronounce “Qin Dynasty” correctly
• You’ve always wanted your own clay army
• You’ve always wanted your own suit of armor
• You already have your own suit of armor
• You study Swordsmanship in  your spare time
• You spend your weekends at the Renaissance Fair
• You’ve actually fired a musket
• You can name at least three types of field cannon
• You work in a building with field cannons out front
• You have a field cannon on your front lawn
• You loudly sing “I Am The Monarch Of The Sea” to yourself when you do well on tests
• You have a favorite history book, which you sleep with at night
• You have your own theory about where to find the Holy Grail
• You have your own theory about where to find the Ark of the Covenant
• You’ve found both the Holy Grail and the Ark of the Covenant before, only to wake up and find you have to do it all over again –pesky present reality
• You know (and use) at least five Shakespearean insults
• When someone says “record,” you don’t think of music
• Your preferred method of transportation is horse and buggy
• You like to spend time in antique shops, even though you can’t actually buy anything
• You’re tired of telling people that the “underground railroad” didn’t actually have rails
• You’re very good at geography –as long as it’s not modern geography
• You can name ten or more ancient cities
• When you go on vacation, you do so for research purposes
• You would gladly bring back puffy 16th-century “ruff” collars
• You’ve ever had a dream in which it was your imperial coronation
• You know what a “schism” is
• You know your own coat of arms
• You’ve taken part in a historical battle re-creation
• You can fire a bow and arrow
• You’ve had a bow and arrow fired at you
• You can actually discuss the relative pros and cons of longbows and shortbows, and state which one you prefer
• When someone says “down,” you don’t think of a direction
• You’ve always wanted to “tar and feather” someone you dislike
• You have a list of people you’d like to “tar and feather”
• You have at least one thing in mind to add to this list
• You know that historically speaking, this list isn’t very significant, as people have been making lists for thousands of years.

A special thank-you goes to Dan Mackin, who inspired and contributed to much of this list.

FEEL FREE TO ADD TO THE LIST BY COMMENTING BELOW