Archive for January, 2011

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Tue Jan

You Know You’re An English Major If (Part 2 of a Series)

You regularly invent bad puns, and your friends want to kill you for it
You look down on anyone who wants to ban a book
You use famous quotes in much of your conversation

Picture Taken From Motifake.com

  • People’s everyday grammar and vocabulary make you cringe
  • You believe that you are mentally and socially superior to all other majors
  • You want to become a teacher
  • You want to become a journalist
  • You are a teacher/journalist
  • You know the difference between “its” and “it’s”
  • People’s grammar and usage on facebook horrify you
  • You know the difference between “their” and “they’re”
  • You write for the school newspaper
  • You know what a “gerund” is
  • You regularly make use of Sparknotes
  • You are tired of being asked what you thought was “significant” and… here it comes… Why?
  • You’ve spent an entire day writing a paper
  • You’ve gotten an A or a B on a paper you wrote at 2:00 in the morning
  • You’ve gotten an A or B on a paper defending a position that you don’t even agree with
  • You’ve gotten an A or B on a paper that you don’t recall writing because you were blacked out, and the professor wrote a comment praising its “fluidity”
  • You have an insane number of chapters to read tonight
  • You have a personal relationship with William Shakespeare
  • You’re convinced you can make a living writing poetry and/or novels
  • You have a pet named after an author or literary character
  • You regularly invent bad puns, and your friends want to kill you for it
  • You look down on anyone who wants to ban a book
  • You use famous quotes in much of your conversation
  • You consider authors to be sex symbols
  • You analyze everything you read in terms of where the prepositional phrases are
  • You’re offended by statements like “no more than six pages, please”
  • You analyze things constantly and impulsively, often more than is needed
  • You know that everything in the universe relates to English literature
  • You want to learn a foreign language so you can read things other than English literature
  • You want to analyze how that other literature relates to the universe, and to English literature
  • You want to consider the significance of said relationships and why they are significant
  • You regularly get in arguments about correct grammar
  • You shout “ONOMATOPOEIA!” whenever your friends use one
  • You know when and how to use “lie” and “lay”
  • All of your classes encourage the “Socratic method” and have the desks arranged in a circle
  • You go to English classes that you aren’t actually signed up for, just because you’re excited about them
  • You spend more money on books than you do on food
  • You go to the library more often than you go to rock concerts
  • You know that absolutely everything you write must have a thesis statement, upon penalty of death
  • You know that every source must be cited, upon penalty of death
  • You know that only one of your cited sources can be a website
  • You know that nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition
  • It bothers you when people say “neither… or”
  • You don’t understand why your friends laugh when you talk about how thick Moby Dick is
  • You know the ins-and-outs of MLA format
  • You know that there are other formats besides MLA format
  • You know the ins-and-outs of them, too
  • You’ve fancied becoming a hippie
  • You aren’t bothered by the idea of being homeless
  • You correct other people’s spelling, but shudder at the thought of them catching mistakes in your own
  • You, unlike most of your classmates, can actually understand dialects
  • You use Shakespearean insults
  • You favor the English spelling system over the American one
  • You need a calculator to know what 7×9 equals
  • You posit that the book is always better than the movie
  • You spend years trying to understand “the human condition”
  • You are currently reading 5 or more books at once
  • You know that the backbone of a strong argument is the text that supports it
  • You keep a running list of books you’d like to read
  • You keep a running list of books you’ve read
  • You keep a running list of books you’d like to read again
  • You have what you consider to be a personal library
  • You have enough books in said personal library to start a new public library
  • You always encourage others to read more, even though you know they won’t
  • You swap books with your friends because they have to read yours and you have to read theirs
  • A book is the best Christmas or birthday gift you can think of
  • You have friends who are science majors and don’t understand “why reading all day is so hard”
  • You are constantly asked “where you plan to go” with your studies
  • You are tempted to answer “Jamaica” to the above question
  • You are seriously considering a career as a librarian
  • You feel guilty when you walk out of a bookstore without buying a book
  • You have to know what year a book was written in, and who it was published by, just in case you have to cite it
  • You make a mental list of words to look up in the dictionary
  • You know that “bada-bing” is in the dictionary
  • You keep tabs on which words are added to the unabridged dictionary each year
  • You like to do things that make you “feel intellectual”
  • You’d rather compose a thoughtful haiku about the moon than build a base on it
  • You know how to spell Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious
  • You’ve catalogued every case of consistent alliteration throughout the course of this… crummy… list
  • You’ve already started writing an essay about the significance of this list, why you find it significant, and how that main idea relates to the “human condition”
  • You hate it when people end sentences with a preposition
  • You can conjugate any given verb in future perfect tense
  • You know what “future perfect tense” is
  • You understand the concept of “literary license”
  • People with other majors regularly ask you to edit their papers
  • Writing and/or editing others’ papers is actually a steady source of your income
  • You know how and when to use “who” and “whom”
  • When reading a novel, you pause to analyze the author’s writing style
  • You get annoyed when non-English majors get excited about their “poetry”
  • You get annoyed when non-English majors say they “would love to write a novel”
  • You’ve read something in Old English
  • You can actually understand Old English
  • You’ve memorized the first line of at least five novels
  • Typos of any kind throw you off, and in some cases make you angry
  • You’ve considered how this list might be rewritten in free-verse
  • You’ve considered how this list might be rewritten in iambic pentameter
  • You’ve considered how this list might be rewritten, period
  • You found at least one misspelling or grammatical error in this list
  • You’re too busy reading and/or writing to bother mentioning it, or to write a list like this for that matter
  • When you hear the name Zelda you think of F. Scott Fitzgerald and not video games.

Picture courtesy of Motifake.com

Feel free to add to the list!

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Mon Jan

You Know You’re A Science Major If (Part 1 of a Series)

You know what a “buckyball” is
You’ve ever wondered what it would be like to travel through a wormhole
You’ve used an entire 3-subject notebook for one subject

  • Image Taken From Motifake.com

  • You can focus a microscope in 20 seconds or less
  • You tell people your major and they ask why you would do that to yourself
  • You know what anthracene is
  • Your girlfriend/boyfriend knows what anthracene is
  • You think that Political “science” or Decision “sciences” majors are wannabes
  • You feel the urge to strangle anyone who asks why water is polar at the end of the semester
  • You’ve spent over $700 on textbooks in one semester alone
  • Bill Nye the Science Guy was your favorite TV show growing up
  • You make a long list of questions every time you go to see the professor
  • You understand calculus, but you can’t remember how to do long division
  • You’ve conducted some form of research
  • You have a pet named after a scientist
  • You’re in the Biology club
  • You’re a member of Sigma Xi
  • You inform people in other majors that their results aren’t statistically significant
  • You can draw 2-acetoxybenzoic acid
  • You mention a “blunt probe” and people look at you strangely
  • You know what a “buckyball” is
  • You’ve ever wondered what it would be like to travel through a wormhole
  • You’ve used an entire 3-subject notebook for one subject
  • You think invertebrates are way cooler than vertebrates
  • You think plants are way cooler than people
  • You’ve pondered how one might reach “absolute zero”
  • You’ve actually used every function on your graphing calculator
  • You’ve started and/or witnessed a fire in a laboratory
  • You’ve blown something up
  • You’ve prevented someone else from blowing something up
  • You can extract your own DNA with a toothpick and dishwashing detergent
  • You’ve always wanted to get married on the moon
  • You have your own lab coat
  • “In the hood” means something completely different to you than it does to most people
  • You’ve been exposed to chemicals known to cause birth defects
  • You’ve been exposed to carcinogens
  • You’ve been inside a room marked with a “biohazard” or “radiation” sign
  • You know what “DNA” actually stands for
  • You can’t free-style rap without including “DNA” in the lyrics
  • The words “Hardy-Weinberg” make you shudder
  • You’ve actually tattooed a molecule or marine organism onto your body
  • You’ve calculated “standard deviation” more than 20 times
  • You can pronounce the ingredients on the back of everyday household items
  • You can draw the chemical structure of ingredients on the back of everyday household items
  • You know the probability of an asteroid hitting the Earth, and have several plans to stop said asteroid
  • You’re jealous when someone says they “only” got 6 hours of sleep last night
  • You’ve always wanted to travel to another world
  • You’ve got a plan for how to communicate with the aliens you might encounter
  • You laugh every time you tell people that “dihydrogen monoxide” is the most deadly chemical known to man and they believe you
  • People have looked up from their work in the library when you’ve mentioned “back-side attacks”
  • You’ve attempted to build a portal/gravity gun
  • You know what a Saturn V rocket is, and you have a 1/100 scale model of one in your room
  • You have more than 2 science books on your desk at any given time
  • You can name just about every bone in the body
  • “OH” makes you think of a hydroxy group, not “Ohio”
  • You have holes in your clothes from when acid was spilled on them
  • You’ve accidentally made Chlorine gas
  • You invert a food item about 7 times when the package says “shake well”
  • You know what Sulfur smells like
  • You know the difference between “xylem” and “phloem”
  • You can give other students a botanical tour of the campus
  • You think rock formations are “awesome”
  • You’ve ever referred to 1,000 years as “very short”
  • You’ve taken a 300-level lab course or higher
  • You’ve submitted a proposal for funding
  • You regularly conduct “thought-experiments” that involve your least favorite professor
  • You know the difference between “tendons” and “ligaments”
  • You know the scientific name for the common fruit fly
  • You know 5 or more scientific names by heart
  • At least half of those names are for creatures that are extinct
  • You have your own block of dry ice
  • Your friends claim to be into “vinyl”, but you assure them that you’re way more into “vinyl” than they are
  • You can sing at least one song related to science
  • You know why “PCR” is fantastically amazing
  • You know the “PCR” song
  • You’re very much in need of a shave/haircut
  • You feel bad for telling someone who gets on your nerves that electrons are, in fact, positively charged
  • Your professor doesn’t curve grades
  • Your professor is actually insane
  • You know 3 or more science professors on a first-name basis
  • You can calculate a trajectory
  • Your boyfriend/girlfriend can calculate a trajectory
  • You’ve considered being an evil genius
  • You think in acronyms
  • Your front license plate is blue and your rear license plate is red
  • You strongly dislike astrologers
  • “Hedgehog” is a protein to you, not an animal
  • You use et al. regularly when writing papers
  • Creationists pick fights with you
  • You pick fights with Creationists
  • You say “mills” in your everyday language
  • You know how to measure the volume of an irregular object
  • You keep a photo of Marie Curie over your desk –and it turns you on
  • You know what “NASA” stands for
  • You’d like to work for NASA
  • You have worked for NASA
  • Your favorite part of the day is when you get to go to bed
  • You know the four different stages of sleep deprivation
  • You’re good at diluting things
  • You prefer to measure small things in “angstroms”
  • You know the symbol for “angstroms”
  • People often can’t pronounce your major
  • Your cat’s name is Schrödinger
  • You check the meniscus when measuring liquids in the kitchen
  • You refer to your kids as “the F1’s”
  • Family members have no idea what you actually “do” in your classes
  • You know pi to at least 4 decimal places
  • You go to the beach, and all you can think about is how many types of rays are hitting you
  • You’ve used kimwipes as kleenex
  • Your DJ name is “MC Delta-T”
  • You know what the “Drake Equation” is, and you can use it
  • You know the exact speed of light in miles per hour and in kilometers per hour
  • You know how long it takes said light to reach the earth from the sun
  • You can actually give the distance between the earth and the sun
  • You know over half the Greek alphabet, but you can’t speak Greek
  • You have at least one notebook filled with drawings of “cleavage”
  • You’ve ever told someone that they’re “made of starstuff”
  • You know the difference between a comet and an asteroid
  • You stay up all night just to watch a meteor shower
  • You’ve memorized the SyFy channel number
  • You have beakers in your kitchen
  • You bring observation equipment on your vacations
  • You go into the common room to take a break from studying, only to see molecules drawn all over the board
  • You use one hand to unscrew the lids of everyday items
  • You’ve stopped yourself from cooking something when you realize that you don’t have enough of a “limiting reagent” to make the recipe.
  • You’ve used mathematical ratios to adjust the ingredient proportions to accommodate said limiting reagent.
  • You know why a “cell” is called a “cell”
  • You’ve sent an email to Stephen Hawking, which he didn’t answer
  • You know what the “Orion Project” was, and you wish someone would attempt it because that would be cool
  • “Twinkle, twinkle, little star” always bothered you
  • You’re taking at least 2 science courses at the same time, with labs
  • You want to take anyone who doesn’t “believe in” evolution and stick them in your biology lecture
  • You’ve only met one other person with your exact major
  • You know that in some chemical reactions, “HO’s” come before “Bro’s”
  • You know the difference between “accuracy” and “precision”
  • You’ve drawn chemical structures on your wall when you ran out of paper
  • You think of cleaning your room as “decreasing entropy”
  • You use parafilm instead of saran wrap
  • You’ve been in a debate over whether Pluto is a planet
  • You’ve dissected small animals several times
  • You’ve returned to your dorm room reeking of formaldehyde
  • You’ve used up an entire packet of pencils in one semester
  • Your pencil sharpener has gone dull after only two semesters of use
  • You have/had a crush on Rosalind Franklin
  • You’re really tired of calculating molar mass
  • You’ve kept all your textbooks because you’ll end up needing them again
  • You can’t watch a TV show or movie without noticing inconsistencies and mistakes in the science/medical procedure
  • You can draw a perfect pentagon or hexagon with ease
  • You can tell whether a beaker is made of pyrex
  • When someone mentions a new style of “jeans”, you want to calculate their frequency in the student population
  • You know the pathway of blood through the heart… by heart!
  • You cringe when people think that “all natural” or “organic” means something is healthy
  • You wonder if anyone actually knows what “electrolytes” and “free radicals” even are when they talk about them
  • You’ve purchased your own pair of lab goggles
  • You think using million-dollar equipment just to test a hunch is perfectly practical
  • You want to visit the hadron collider
  • You know what hadrons are
  • You laugh every time the professor talks about ethanol
  • You know that alcohol is not the answer… unless the question is “what happens when you hydrate an alkene with a concentrated sulfuric acid catalyst?”
  • You have a favorite microorganism
  • You know how a lava lamp works
  • You draw punnett squares when discussing future children with your significant other
  • You built a “baking soda and vinegar” volcano during your childhood
  • You hate it when people say “baking soda” instead of “sodium bicarbonate”
  • You always make a mental note of where the nearest fire extinguisher is
  • You feel strange when not wearing closed-toed shoes
  • You’ve had a class where half the students dropped out within the first two weeks
  • You were nodding and laughing while reading this list
  • You’ve already started calculating the percentage of these statements that relate to you
  • You’ve written a list like this

Feel free to add to the list!

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