September 4, 2011
This post originally appeared on http://thecamspuscompanion.com and was written by a staff writer.
It is no surprise that students love to smoke in the dorms, and such is the necessity for the popcorn trick . No matter how strict the policy is, or how many close calls one has had; people are going to light up in their rooms. Most RA’s are aware of this, and while some may play dumb, others will not be so lenient. I’ve known a few to go out of their way to catch students smoking.
For this reason, safety first should be your motto. There is nothing worse than a loud knock on the door in the middle of your session. But, sometimes, luck is not on our side. Maybe you came back fucked up at 4 am and decided it would be a good idea to smoke without opening the windows (you would not be the first) or a cruel gust of wind has blown the smoke back into your room. Lets not beat around the bush here, folks – The alarm is blaring and you can hear the fire engines in the distance – You are FUCKED!
Or are you? This is the perfect time to implement “The Popcorn Trick”. Simply overcook your popcorn until there is a smoking, burnt, buttery bomb festering in your microwave. Because what it comes down to is this – People are going to think you are an idiot no matter what you do. Your fate is in your own hands. So, are you the idiot who:
GOT CAUGHT SMOKING IN THE DORMS
THE GUY WHO DOESN”T KNOW HOW TO COOK POPCORN (snicker, snicker, snicker)
It is truly as simple as it sounds. Yes, even if you are high and freaking out, you should be able to do it. If you lack confidence – I don’t know – practice it at your friend’s apartment or something. Run to your cabinet, grab some Orville Redenbacher and toss that baby in the microwave for 10 or 15 minutes – Enough time to really burn it to a crisp. Run out the door with the rest of the dorm residents and remember to add, “Buy a Vaporizer” to your to-do list.
For those that don’t routinely have popcorn in their room the “popcorn trick” also works well with….
Say you were trying to dry them off because they were wet. People will definitely question how you made it to college, but they won’t even think about whether your excuse is fake. It’s too stupid to be fake.
Say you were just trying to cook a snack, and lost track of time. Don’t do this one unless you really want your roommates to hate you. It smells like death for about a week.
Comment below to include anything you’ve burnt in the microwave that you think could serve as a guise for smoking in the dorms.